Friday, March 6, 2009

My Friday drive

So every Friday I drive from Conway Arkansas back home to Springfield MO. Todays drive was uneventful other than bad drivers with bad attitudes. I don't know if its the economy, or maybe a full moon out or what, but it seems like people are driving with shitty attitudes more and more.

My particular favorite driver personality type is what I call "the weaver dumbass" This is the person that you usually catch in your rear view mirror weaving in and out and coming up on your ass really fast. And it never fails that this person lacks the forsight ability to LOOK AHEAD at whats comming up. This leads to this dumbass whipping out to go around you only to quickly realize that there is another hapless driver in the other lane keeping them from progressing. I often will speed up just a little to initiate this kind of roadblock. I recieve much pleasure in watching their distress not being able to get ahead. JUST LOOK AHEAD AND YOU WILL SEE THERE IS NO WHERE TO GO!!!!!!!

The second driver I enjoy is the "OH My Gawd, I'm scared". This person generally doesn't know the difference from the gas pedal and the brake pedal. You can easily pick them out at stop lights, especially if they are the first in line. They will often wait for the driver in the next lane to go first. I always imagine the convo in their heads...."should i go. oh i don't know what to do, should i go? Is the light really green...OH WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!"

A third type thats quite entertaining is called the "badass dumbass" This person believes that the world actually cares who they are and that they are special in some way and feel the need to let everyone else know the same. You can usually hear them first. Often playing some sort of music that I find repulsive(its prob my age). When you do finely see them, they are usually engaged in some sort of ritualistic behaviour where their heads and arms have contracted some sort of muscular dysfunction causing them to flail and flop around to the beat of their music. But the most entertaining aspect to this odd display is when they begin to look around searching for someone that they might be able to impress. This can have many different outcomes. One outcome is once they do find someone and if they manage to attract this person's attention, then the badass dumbass starts displaying some sort of dominance behaviour..as if they're saying "what the fuck do you want?" Outher outcomes include: enginve rev up and/or peel out, increased speeds to "win" something and possibly an unintelligible verbal display that they can only understand.

Well......i'm sure there are other types that I have failed to mention. Please post any other types that you have come across. Education is the key.

Laters
Kman

1 comment:

  1. How about the overly processed fake blonds with ginormous sunglasses on their cell phones having the most drama filled conversation of their lives? I find these ladies annoying from hell because their overly processed chemically fried brains can only handle one or two tasks at a time. Those task slots are already filled with "looking fabulous" and "having a desperate housewives conversation" with their ex-boyfriends ex-girlfriends cousin, and OMG it's stellar! @@. Leaving no room for even remotely safe driving or common sense thinking processes.

    These ladies drive too fast when they shouldn't, sit at lights long after they have turned green (omg she had a lipstick smudge on her teeth), and pull out in front of people who actually know how to drive!

    Take off the shades, put down the cell phones, and turn your damn blinker off! :0P

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